I got more than I bargained for. At least its two days of waking up before 7am in a row. Two days of getting something productive done before 8am. My attitude this morning was much better heading into work. Training with my boss went really well, she propped me up saying how excited she was for the potential I had. My pitch is getting better and I really feel like I’m apart of a team.
It’s definitely not a cool product I can brag about to all my friends back home, but its training I’m not likely to get anywhere else. I’m in such a weird position; the in-between. No longer a rookie seller, but far from being a ‘professional’. At least Stacey has plans for me. Yesterday I realized surrendering to her plans is my best interest. Sponsorship; getting paid the wages on my contract and not being fucked by technicalities or Kiwi racism. And the development, both personal and professional. The underlying goal of everything I had done since graduating from Trent University since 2017. Are all there in front of me, I just have to drop the bitter resentment of Fundraising again.
I got more than I bargained for with this job. Melt the ego and embrace the experience.
So Whats The Bargin
It’s on the down-low within the company at the moment (but clearly stated on my contract and I do have a copy) I’m being streamlined to management. I just need to hit two weeks’ worth of targets. There are killers within the company, but they’re too good at what they do.
She wants me to train everyone on vendor and mall sales. Bring a fresh, international perspective to the company (everyone else is kiwi) and some maturity (I’m the second oldest, only junior to my Boss, the company owner). Become the leader I told myself I could be if given the opportunity. Build and expand the company, while learning all there is.
The catch is im working 6-8 days on, 1 day off. 7-10 hours a day.
I got more than I bargained for in terms of my work week. Fuck it, what else am I doing with my time?
On my first day of ‘real sales’ working for Primus in Ontario (the wasted three months) my old manager, Kris told me something I hadn’t really considered. “What kills a lot of small companies is promoting their top sellers to management. They don’t know how to manage, and they don’t give a shit about others. They often can’t manage their own time and energy, balancing training, support, and personal sales. You’ll get a bunch of improperly trained new people, and you’ll be out a top seller because their numbers tank since they can’t just focus on selling.” My boss J.B at Ledcor was a perfect example of this. One of the best sellers in the company, but fuck was he a shit leader. And managing us pulled his attention away hurting his numbers.
“Just becasue you’re a good seller doesn’t mean you’ll be a good leader. Selling doesn’t give you leadership experience and I really don’t get why so many people think it does.” Kris was a really smart dude.
Apperently my cover letter, resume, and answers during the interview were so good, she’s decided to take a chance on me.
I got way more than I bargained for when I applied to the job.
What About The Mission? What About The Purpose?
Important questions to ask. Were my sacrifices really sacrifices, and was my plan really solid if I’m so easy to default on what I set out to do? This mission larger than myself; of blowing through the Otago campus, and getting a job that’d give transferable skills so I could get faculty status and a ticket to Antartica…
When I applied to Aurora Financial and offered my two-year loyalty, I stripped my plan to its original essence. What it was that afternoon in Bali when I first came up with it. With the fascination of Antarctica from our family Christmas trip the year prior, burning in my mind. When I first asked my Dad to shout me a plan ticket to Java, Indonesia, to get my medical records to fly to New Zealand. “Dad trust me. I’ve got a plan.”
Go to New Zealand, use my degree. Succeed or fail, write a book about it. Get to Antarctica; whether its before, after, or during. I have to use my time in New Zealand to satisfy my urging curiosity for the forgotten continent. Become that exceptional traveler who went to the world’s end and survived its harsh fringes.
That was the original spine, and heartbeat too the plan. The issue was I had no idea what to do; or how to use my degree. I’ll never say a degree is useless, but applying an arts degree is not always straight forward. Especially an undergraduate. There is the Government, but I have no interest in working for the Government of Canada (at least not until I run for some sort of office, or wind up in the military somehow).
However, my degree sets me up perfectly for a master’s. So continuing my education quickly became an important factor in this plan. I had no clear career goal, but I had an idea on how to improve my personal agency.
The issue was I had no idea what to do my masters in.
The Scope Became Limitless
I came up with the plan while on vacation with my parents in Bali. I argued New Zealand would be my ticket because there was a university that had A LOT of cool jobs posted on Indeed. Working at a University and being around students would put me in an environment to met faculty and students and pick their brains on the subject matter. Course work. Research focuses, and all that other nerdy stuff.
So I’d work on a university campus. I figured I’d fail, and my book would be a great cautionary tale about the dangers of prolonged directionless travel.
My mind wandered while awaiting my visa approval in Indonesia. My dreams became bigger and more engraved the longer I waited for that seal of acceptance. Then my bank got hacked and I had to miss my flight. Then I got sick and took a job I hated…
I fell to a low place while working for Primus; I thought I was a loser. What else do you call someone selling home phone services in 2019?
Fucking homephones. In 2019.
Everyone in Costco rolled their eyes at me when I told them my plans, and the future ahead of me. Costco is a great, stable place to work. And everyone tends to stay. One quater turns into two years and now you’ve got equity, benifits and several raises. They really take care of their employee’s and so people stay their employees.
I didn’t work for Costco but I was under their umbrella, and most vendors stay too. I got more than I bargained for while working under said umbrella. Free food, discounts, and no supervision. I wasn’t used to being unsupervised outside of treeplanting.
Spite, Pride, Confidence, And The Need To Win.
“How far did that fancy degree get ya?” “I studied politics in highschool. It’s all lies and fake. The less attention you give it, the better off you are.” “Yea, I was in Australia for two weeks; I pretty much did everything you did” I got those comments all the time in the break room. They urked me to hell, infecting my already wounded spirit. But my resolve was that I would not stay in this comfortable environment that poisoned both my confidence and ambition.
I’ll write a longer post tomorrow on working in Costco because I’m being very unfair at the moment. I had some GREAT people to work with. Made lovely friends and even had a brief romance with one of the sample girls. (the only sample girl under 35, and you knew she was hooked on the travel stories). I got more than I bargained for when I ate all the free goodies she laid out.
Anyways, one night I asked myself how far could I take things if I stopped thinking like a loser. What if I was destined to succeed? Well then I’d hate myself for not aiming higher.
So my aim became higher by the night. I realized sucsess would lead into more sucsess and a domnino effect was born in my mind. I suddenly had this inspiring plan that inspired everyone who heard it.
Its Not All Roses And Sunshine. I’m No Hero
Well, my parents though very supportive maintained conservative skepticism. I couldn’t blame it; they literally bailed me out of Indoneasia to watch me become deathly sick days after returning home. I wasn’t in the best position to tell them I was shooting for the stars again… And I kinda forgot to pay them back before I took off…
I fully intend to; despite my bragging of succeeding and high earnings I haven’t had tons of financial wiggle room since leaving home. I have a saving account but they urge me not to touch it. So my debt remains unpaid. For now.
And everyone at Costco continued to roll their eyes at me until my last day there. If only they knew how crazy the adventure would become, and how I would get more than I bargained for in all manners of adventure and development.
Its All About The Mission
“Look I’ve got three businesses and I need someone to be my right hand. Your credentials are impressive and I like the feeling I get from you. I have dreams for my other two business but this is my main source of income and I need someone to run it. Can that be you in a few months?”
“Yes. But I’m here on a mission. I wanted to immigrate to New Zealand so I could save heaps on my MBA, and there’s this book I need to write. I’m writing a book now, and then another one but eventually, I need to write a book about immigrating to New Zealand. How I did it. How others can use globalization to live their dreams in their countries of choice. At the end of everything that’s my mission in New Zealand right now.”
“Ok. Well, I’ll sponsor you, and you’ll be running a business. If you can’t use that for your immigration then I don’t know what to say to you.”
Our interview was so… Easy, agreeable, and light until that moment of truth. A blurted out an answer that felt far more institutional than calculated. Raw, and unpolished. A thing that left me going What the fuck was that? As soon as the words left my mouth and hung in the air. But I guess that’s what it really became in the end. My plan failed, but I refuse to think like a loser. I refuse to allow my time in New Zealand to be a cautionary tale for students and people thinking about traveling.
I definitely got more than I bargained for at the end of that interview.
I’m Still Not Sure What To Do Anymore. But Rugby Taught Me Inaction Is Always The Worst Choice
I happily said Fuck it to the University Plan when Aurora offered me life in New Zealand (and to this day I’m bitter as hell it didn’t pan out because it would have been a dream job and lifestyle). After all, I came to New Zealand to use my degree and write a book about it. Just because it’s not going exactly as planned doesn’t mean it can’t happen
So why not use my degree to get another degree. I want an MBA in Global Business Management from the University of Victoria (this I researched and decided during lock-down fuck needing Otago to guide my decision). With a focus on tourism and Antarctica next door; my purpose for being in the forgotten continent is there. And the book doesn’t need to be a cautionary tale of defeat. Instead its of virtue. I failed over and over, until things worked out or my options were exhausted. And if they become exhausted so be it. At least then I leave with absolute certainty I tried my best, and that will add weight to my break through success story when I come up with a new plan or have a new dream.
But I’ve still got 5 months before I can call myself exhausted. 19 if I really want to push it.
At this point, I don’t know if this company is my ticket. I’m too scared to trust anything at this point. But Stacey wants to invest in me, and I’ve decided I have two options. Allow the depression I’m fighting to swallow me whole and continue to hold me down. (I have an unfiltered rant on how shit I’ve been feeling lately).Or go full throttle ahead now that I have some structure and guidance.
Better to burn out trying than slowly die a loser.
Conversations with Liz, Bic, and myself have made me realize my plan is going to take a lot longer than I originally anticipated. So I’ll expand the process and do everything step by step. After all; I have many side projects on the go, and my Mom is urging me to add another to my plate. And it’s a great idea. One I want to pursue, but one I cannot possibly take on right now. There’s always next month.
I got more than I bargained for, and I’m only getting more.
I’ve been trying to go fast for so long, I’ve forgotten to ask myself if now’s the time to go far? I think it is.
Also I’m going to say I got more than I bargained for to help with my SEO. I added this phrase around my story and it’s been destroying the quality, but I really want the green check for the aesthetic. I definitely need to work on my SEO skills, but I want to passively improve my algorithm. and so I got more than I bargained for in writings tonight’s post. This one took me over three hours. And I wanted to be asleep before midnight!
I guess you could say, I got more than I bargained for when I began writing this post.