Today was a day that made me consider what life will become when fear becomes your motivator. Not the dear of failure, but the fear of letting people down. While I spent last night coming to terms that my job wasn’t the job for me. My Boss pulled me aside this morning and told me my abilities made her question her abilities in reading people, and that she felt lied too.
I never meant to lie to her or give her flase information. But she said she’s worried that I’ll underpreform in Auckland and embarass both her name and myself while in Auckland. She’s not wrong to think that.
I was waiting for her to tell me I wasn’t going to Auckland. Giving me an out to quit tonight. Instead, she told me she was worried I wasn’t good enough but it was too late to back out. I’ve always valued transparency in people and with this boss in particular I feel there’s complete openness.
People Aren’t Responding to Incentives. Maybe They Need Fear
My boss said that may be the direction she heads in. Instead of throwing bonuses, and praise our way, she wants to see what happens when fear becomes your motivator. That being said, she told me to have fun today. To seriously focus on having fun, and not being sales driven but relax and just pitch those wanted to be pitched.
And I managed to finish with the most sales today, which is a great gosh darn feeling.
I’ve spent so long fearing I’d become who I was when I was Public Outreach again, that I’ve done everything in regards to this job in complete reverse. Today I went back to my old fundraising ways. Improvising at the doors feels weird in contrast to street and mall improve, but it worked. I got three sales today. More than the rest of my week.
If I learned Anything Today; Its That I Need To Improve
I’ve always thrived when I had plan, but improvised how I went about carrying it out. For the last few months I’ve been ridged. Stuck in ideals and a process that I’d bang against the wall until I got my break though.
When fear becomes your motivator, you’re thinking quick. You’re playing you angles, and you can’t freeze. Its a perfect place to be when improvising. For so long I’ve been worried I lost ‘it’. The special thing that’s lead to my surthrival in chapter after chapter. At its core, I had short and long term goals to keep myself grounded and focused, but I otherwise improvised.
Its time to fall back into that state. Afterall, I’ve already accepted failure enough to say I’m falling through oblivion. It’s time to return to my chaotic ways. Only this time I’m armed with my mature focus, and whatever skills and knowledge I’ve gained on the way.
When fear becomes your motivator, the best response is to improvise.
It worked for me today.