Another Hiatus. Another breath of life. Another long list of reasons I took time off that I won’t get into tonight. During these past few weeks a lot has changed in my life. I somehow have even less free time than I thought I did. THis must be adulthood. Not enjoying laundry days, or choosing not to drink because you want to be responsible with the hangover, but instead, losing more and more free time. Looking at people who work less than ten hours a day as those with all the time in the world. And those who work less than 6 days a week as those with more free time than you can imagine.
A part of me is worried I’ll become sucked into the rat race. Everyone around me tells me to keep pushing. That I’m making the short term sacrifices required for long term rewards. I’m not sure. If I’m going to be honest. I’ve lost the spark. The motivation and the drive. I’m burned out, discourgared, jealouse, self concus and angry. I’m filled with self doubt when I should be proud. I’m exhausted when I should be celebrating.
My parents keep reaching out to me. Believe me or not. I continually forget to reply, or even check their messages.. I’m just so tired, and stressed, and feeling like I’m not good enough all the time. It’s worse than Ledcor. Yet my company is far better than Ledcor (in a lot of ways)
At least its not insurance. That was a waste of time. At least I’m doing better than I was, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. At least I’m moving forward.