What goes around comes around, and sometimes you find what you need. I needed direction. Advice. Confirmation… Something to let me know I was still on the right path, and not wasting my time or opportunity living in a Covid free New Zealand.
It’s been a while sine I’ve touched base with you lovely folks. Unfortunately my Forestry job didn’t work out, and now I’m standing here in Nelson, unable to get consistent work. Living paycheck to paycheck. I find myself wondering if I should followed Brandon to the North Island to pick fruit more and more these days. I would have had money, adventure, stability… Instead things went sideways in Christchurch, and I continue to sing the same sad old song about things how things haven’t worked out.
But this is the year to look forward. I promised it to myself on my New Years Reflections.
Where Do I Look?
Residency seems so far away, and hard. The more I learn, the further it becomes. I can’t get consistent work outside the orchards; I keep getting replaced by Kiwi’s. My Master’s excites me, but it ties me to Antarctica, do I really want to go to Antarctica and study that bad? Does having residency in New Zealand really mean that much to me? I want to keep traveling, not become stuck in one place. To get residency, they say you have spend X years in the country. To spend X money, and stay at X job.
After all the fuck arounds, and general unfulfillment that I had been feeling. Doubts on this mission to write a book about finding a way to study in Antarctica and pulling it off have consumed me. Maybe getting residency is adding an unnecessary step. If money truly comes and goes, and I have a financial plan, couldn’t I make the money in Australia, or Canada, and come back to New Zealand with the money?
These questions, and loss of confidence plauged my mind for the past several days… No weeks. For weeks I’ve been wondering if this is all worth it? If I truely want it.
Having work canceled I found myself sitting in my room, wasting time on computer like I usually do. Until I decided to be productive and watch MasterClass. I had videos on at random, letting the sites algorithm pick my videos for me, as I puttered around the kitchen and played with my Poi outside.
First I played some of Ru Paul’s videos. I liked his philosophy on Meditation “Prayer is talking to God. Meditation is listening to God.” But what really stuck out to me, was how he stressed the importance of finding time to think. To bealone with one’s thoughts, and gain clarity from the still isolation.
Immedietly after, some of Bob Iger’s video’s on business began playing. And he also spoke of the importance for mindfulness, clarity, and quiet thought.
It took me less than 30 seconds to know where I had to go to get my own quiet mindfulness. To give me the quiet time to think and ask myself the bigger questions. In sporadic fashion, I closed my tablet, grabbed 1.5L of water, and charged out the door. I was going to hike Mount Arthur; let her summit guide me to my next adventure. Let the lonesome walk to the top, and the journey back to the car give me time to flesh a new plan.
And Away We Go
I took off to the mountain with an 1/8th of a tank of gas. 10 minutes into driving, I picked up a hitch hiker. A beautiful Israli woman who was excited about eveything. I asked if she wanted to hike with me. She gleefully cheered and away we went.
We wasted no time in asking one another the bigger questions. Life’s dream “To become more mindful and whole” “To become a Master Storyteller” Work “Ex-military, massues, enjoying it now but not sure if its forever” “Sales, forestry, little bit of this and that in between and outside” She kept asking why I came to NZ. I kept dodging the question and she kept insisting the drive was longer than I thought. So I spilled the beans.
Our Long Chat In Summary
“I wanted to write a book about coming to New Zealand, and using my degree in a unique way to get a job at the university of Otago, meet professors and build a plan or program for a masters or job in Antarctica around governance and tourism. Use that degree for something, and get residency… I want my book to be a resource for other people at home who want to move to another country, or take the plunge traveling but are too scared too. I want it to be a reference that the opportunities are out there, you just have to be creative.”
“WOOOW MAN! I wish I was as grounded and sorted as you. I’m so up in the air!” “HAHAHA I’m so ungrounded and disorgani-” “But you know what you want… And.. And you have a plan!” I did… After all this fucking around I’m not sure I still want it. It’s taking so long, and it’ll take so much longer. It’s been much harder-” “Yea but life and all great things are hard. If you didn’t still want it, you wouldn’t have gone into such detail, telling me your story in New Zealand. How you came up with this idea, and why you care or cared so much.”
“But I don’t know what to do anymore.” “Well, that’s what you need to ask yourself. Not should I shouldn’t I? But how now? All of my friends are hippy-dippy go with the flow travel for the sake of travel. You’re the first one I’ve met in a long time who’s not traveling for a job, nor for the sake of travel. It kinda cool.”
It hit me. I still want it. The dream, in all its convoluted folds. The Masters, the Visa, the raw Antarctic air on my face, and the book behind my name. She asked why I was climbing the mountain; I giggled to myself and thought sometimes you find what you need in the places you don’t expect. I found the answer I came to the mountain to ask without having to even climb it. And it was lucky because I ran out of gas before reaching it…
Fortunately the way back to town was downhill and there was enough fuel in reserve to push the rust bucket to a gas station.
We Spent The Day Hanging Out
We went to the beach, and to a hidden river. She was a carefree woman with her life ahead of her, and no stresses behind her. I wanted to learn and take as much from her as I could. We hit two beaches. Walked a couple trails and went dumpster diving. We went camping along the river chatting the entire time. I gave her a ride, and she gave me clarity. The campsite would save me an hours drive in the morning.
As I waved my goodbye and pulled away towards to the mountain, I realized “I know what I want… I still want what I came for. The question is how do I do it now? Smiling to my self I felt happy that sometimes you find what you need. I left to Mount Arthur to ask the mountain the question of how. But that is a story for tomorrow.